Don't Ask Me How I Know

It's been a long time since I posted, but a pastor friend of mine is still sharing this link, so I thought I'd check it out and found this post in my drafts. Please, if you're looking for a place where I keep in better contact, check out my new site, See Mo Write, which also has a Facebook page.

Awhile back, I was packing things up and found a senior memory book that listed "Don't Ask Me How I Know" as my favorite song. I didn't remember the song, so I looked it up on YouTube.

It inspired me to think of all the things I'll tell my kids if I'm ever lucky enough to have them, that I won't want them to ask for the story about. So, here's my own list:

Don't Ask Me How I Know
Don't buy a car - or anything for that matter - unless you're sure you need it.
Take pictures, and keep them.
Keep phone numbers, even if you fight.
When you can't say anything to make it better, just shut up.
Don't cut class.
Call your grandma, even after she doesn't know who you are.
Say no if you don't want to, aren't interested, don't have time, or don't support the thing.
Slow down.
Practice.
Be single for awhile.
Hug your brother, even if he hates it.
Talk about the hard things.
Sometimes, you have to ignore authority if you know it's wrong.

Letting Go

Tonight, I accepted my sister-in-law's invitation to a Bible study with a bunch of people I'd never met that would require me to drive 20 minutes each way. This is not something my introvert self would normally do. Especially not now, when the stress and pain in my life is ridiculous. Normally, I'd be circling the wagons and hermiting it up. 

So what was different? 

It's simple: I'm lonely. I'm alone. I don't think I've ever really been honest about that before. And this time, I'm not only being honest about it, I'm fixing it. 

There is no reason a grown woman like myself should be lonely or alone--with or without a relationship. So I am learning to say yes to social engagements that could be good for me (and no to those that wouldn't). I'm learning to ask for help or a shoulder to cry on when I need it. And most importantly for me, I'm making an intentional effort to grow in my faith. 

So how are you? Sound off in the comments or shoot me an email or Facebook message. Love you all!!

On Good Days

I think one of the hardest and most surreal parts of depression is that you'll have good moments when you feel light and cheerful and even laugh like normal with your friends. Sometimes, those moments will even stretch into a good day.

But you can't let your guard down.

Because if you stop taking your medication, working out, journaling, or doing whatever it is that you do to help keep depression at bay, it will overwhelm you again. It will swallow you whole because you will not be on your guard and you will skip your morning workout to get some extra sleep, only to discover that nothing seems quite as bright as yesterday.

Today was a good day. So, let's be honest, this entry is probably more for me than you. Because tomorrow is Friday, and it's been an absolutely draining two weeks at work. So I will want to sleep in instead of work out. And I know that, if I do, I will regret it because depression, that sneaky little bastard, will sneak up and throw a giant wet blanket on my day.

Don't let your guard down, loves. Stay alert, stay active, and stay focused on winning this battle. We've got this.

Five Tips for Dealing with Depression

If you missed my last post, let me catch you up by telling you that I'm once again experiencing severe depression. Yes, I will be seeing someone for it (only admitted it to myself yesterday), and yes, I have excellent coping mechanisms in the meantime, which is what I'm telling you about today. **Note: These tips do not replace professional counseling or, in some cases, medication.**

First Tip: Make A Schedule
Last night, my boyfriend made me make a list of things I needed to do today. He added things, including "get up no later than 7," "workout," and "write or paint" (which is partially why I'm writing this blog).

Second Tip: Find Someone to Hold You To It
In my case, my boyfriend made sure I was up, that I worked out, and helped me when I couldn't make a decision on what to do next, even with the list right in front of me. (That indecisiveness is one of those side effects of depression that nobody talks about.) However, it takes a village, and I have four people close to me who know my diagnosis and are helping me cope.

Third Tip: Go Outside
My boyfriend and I made sure this was part of my schedule. If it's sunny, this could mean taking work out onto the porch to do. But even just getting outside to go get groceries gives you a small dose of Vitamin D and some movement.

Fourth Tip: Work Out
This is what my boyfriend had me do first thing when I got up. Not because he wants me to look a certain way, but because he knew what I'm about to tell you: Exercise releases endorphins and endorphins help fight depression.

Fifth Tip: Connect
Making connections with people, even meaningless little jokes with your cashier, can help lift your mood. If at all possible, do this in person - handshakes, hugs, and other physical touch can be very good for you. However, even on-line can work if it's a connection with a genuine friend who you actually have honest conversations with on-line.

Falling Back In

Today, I've managed to shower, get dressed, walk next door to church, walk home, change into comfy clothes, start laundry, and now write this. 

Given that, last night, I took every available online depression test in hopes of finding just one that told me I was alright, only to be met with a constant result of severe/clinical/"see someone immediately" depression, that's quite a feat. And now I want a nap. Because the looming to-do list no longer urges me to do anything. 

I'm bad again. Maybe you are, too. But we'll get through this. We have to. We're survivors. 

Ponderings

I apologize for my long absence. I've never before understood Mary so well when Luke 2:19 days she "treasured up all these things and pondered them in her heart." I realize this is a mental health blog, so hang with me. We're getting there. 

My grandpa has been having a rough go of it, medically speaking, and the resulting stresses on my family have been extreme at times. I have been left pondering God's will as well as what my grandpa would want. 

My long-distance, interfaith, interracial relationship always brings its own unique set of things to ponder, chiefly, again, God's will, but also what my boyfriend wants and how he and his family feel about things. 

Work is a mine field of ponderings, including how or why people can intentionally choose to mistreat a child, how I can help that child, what administration this or wants, what parents want or need, etc. 

A few nights ago, I called my boyfriend. I was completely shut down over some of those work ponderings. He proceeded to remind me of a very basic mental health lesson I needed to relearn: boundaries. 

Certainly I am free to be frustrated, scared, angry, sad, or any other emotion I choose. But my boyfriend asked me a very important question: Is it helping you to think about it right now?

If you can leave your stress and tension at work/school, do it. Use the ride home to work it through in your head and then be done. I've been much more carefree since taking his advice. Because you and I can choose to control our stress levels, so let's do it. 

Purpose - Finding a reason to live.

Remember that post, the one from forever ago about moving on? Well, here's your third installment. I do apologize for the long delay between postings. I'm currently trying to finish my doctoral degree, teach full time, obtain teacher certification through a transition to teaching program, start up a new business, and hang out with you all on the blog - all at the same time! It makes today's post on finding your purpose extremely timely.

Finding purpose is arguably the most important component of the healing journey. Particularly for those of us who have struggled with depression, suicide, and anxiety, purpose can be the thing that keeps us going when those rough days roll back around. And they will roll back around.

But how do you find purpose?
Purpose needs to be something that will get you out of bed in the morning. Something that will help you see the light at the end of the tunnel. Something to remind yourself of on those hard days, when nothing seems right.

As you begin to contemplate your purpose, let me offer a few cautions:
1. Your purpose is not a person. In this broken world, people leave, people die, people hurt us, in short, people are imperfect and they will not be consistent enough to serve as your purpose.
2. Your purpose is not a job. Now, hear me on this - there is a difference between a job and a calling. Your purpose is not to obtain that promotion or to get any job that makes enough money. Your purpose could then be fulfilled at some point and you would have no reason to continue.
3. Your purpose is not material. The next iPhone, bigger TV, or fastest car is not your purpose. Again, once you obtain the material thing, then what?

Your purpose must be more. It must be positive. It must drive you. Consider what you get excited about, what lights a fire in you? I discovered my purpose when I began to realize that I got excited, angry, and upset the most quickly when discussing how people were treating other people. Therefore, my purpose is to help others and to facilitate treating others well, to make the world a nicer, friendlier place.

But what happens on those days when your purpose isn't working out? For me, it's the days when I see my students relentlessly picking on one another. That's where the reason behind your purpose has to come into play. For me, that reason is my faith. After all, the most important command for Christians is "Love your neighbor as yourself." More than that, though, I remind myself that not everything is awful, and that God has promised good to me (and to you!).

What's your purpose? Comment below or shoot me a message. I'd love to hear from you!