Learning to Listen

How many times do you have to hear the same advice before you decide that it's actually God speaking to you? Or that it's wise advice? Or that it's what you need to do?

Sometimes, the hardest thing for those of us who are struggling with depression and the myriad of related issues (self injury, suicide, eating disorders, etc.) is listening to advice. We're so down that we struggle to take advice or to discern the difference between good advice and bad. Sometimes, though, you hear the same advice so many times that you could recite it in your sleep. Maybe you even consider doing it. But then, someone you never expected gives you the same advice. And suddenly, you sit up and listen. Suddenly, you realize that you need to take this advice. Suddenly, you understand that this is not just people talking to you, it's God.

That's what has happened to me, culminating in a friend at the yard sale hearing my story and giving me the same advice I've heard a million times. This time, I really heard it. This time, I'm really trying to work through that advice and its practical implications.

What advice have you been hearing that you need to listen to more closely?

As always, click to email me if you like!

Sale Time

Today, my friends and I held a yard sale. I grew up being somewhat attached to stuff, probably due to growing up below the poverty line. But today, I realized that it felt good to get rid of stuff. (The extra cash didn't hurt, either.) It got me thinking, though. What about the other stuff in our lives we need to get rid of, even if it isn't easy.

What are you holding onto that you need to let go? A relationship? An addiction? A bad habit? Physical belongings? Jealousy? Anger? What would you be healthier without?

Just Do It

Sometimes, the smallest gesture can change someone's day and, thereby, someone's life. Like my friend Nick choosing to respond to my suicidal messages. Like a former colleague sending me a video of my favorite actor singing a beautiful song. Like a random gift, call, text, or visit.

These small things don't just make a difference to the person receiving them. They can make an enormous difference to the person giving as well. When I'm having a rough day (or week, month, year, life...) I try to do something for someone else. Especially if I haven't gotten one of those small gestures in awhile. It makes me feel like my life matters, in some small way.

Give it a try. Do something kind, something small, for someone else. You never know whose life you'll save.

Humor

My apologies for not posting yesterday. I've gotten a bit busy with school lately. It's that time of year!

So, I'm also copping out for today and posting a fun story for you. (Although, seriously, laughter is awesome medicine.) I asked my friend, Rich, for a fun bedtime story to distract me from my cutting/suicidal urges. No man I have asked has ever been able to respond with a story, so I expected the standard “I don’t know one” or “I don’t do well when I’m on the spot” or, at best, a rehashed classic. Instead, I got this original masterpiece:

Once upon a time there were two squirrels.

One was named Bob and one was named James.

They were the best of friends.

They knew that spring was coming to their neck of the woods, and they were excited.

Bob was excited to not have to eat nuts from the beginning of the winter. He was really jazzed about the prospect of fresh nuts.

James was excited about stealing food from the bird feeders.

He couldn’t understand why people were so dumb that they put bird feeders out where squirrels (like himself) could get to them.

Well, finally spring did come and James and Bob enjoyed their individual favorite things.

Unfortunately for both of the squirrels, there were negative effects of both the things they were doing.

Bob got so fat on fresh nuts that he couldn’t move and had to be rolled everywhere he went.

He eventually went to the Big Oak Tree in the sky because not only could he not walk… but he could not feed himself.

James found a bird feeder that had all of the choicest bird foods in it and he ate there whenever he could.

Unfortunately for him, the humans that own that particular feeder have a vendetta against squirrels, and one day they poisoned the food.

Needless to say, James went to see his best buddy Bob and all of the humans on earth lived happily ever after without all of the the dumb squirrels running around.

The End

Blog Update

Hi all! So I've added a "help" page to my blog with links and hotline numbers for the US and various other countries. Please feel free to comment or send me an email if you'd like to see any other resources or countries added to the list!

What Defines You?

I've written, briefly, of defining scars before. I hope you won't find me repetitive, but this is the most important lesson I have ever learned, and so I have a strong desire to share it with you.

I have lots of scars. They come from self-injury, sheer clumsiness, surgeries, accidents, and childhood play that got out of hand. There are also the emotional scars left by past loves, well-intentioned family members and friends, death, and just plan mean actions. Then, there are the scars yet to come: my still forming suicide attempt scars, those inevitable emotional scars, and, without a doubt, more scars from sheer clumsiness.

Odds are, you have lots of scars, too. Scars of all kinds, shapes, and sizes.

But here's the cool thing. While our scars help tell our stories, they do not have to define who we are. I have chosen to let someone else's scars define me. Let me tell you my favorite story about him.

This man was a leader, although a controversial one. So, when a woman was caught sleeping around, the other leaders brought her to him to see what he'd say about it. He ignored them, essentially, and told them that any of them who had never done wrong could punish her as he saw fit. None of them could make that claim, and so he told the woman she was free to go. He assigned no punishment. But he told her not to do it again. See, she was guilty, and he knew it. What's more, he had the power and authority to punish her. But he chose to let her go. To give her a second (or third, fourth, fifth?) chance.

Cool guy, right? Many of you have guessed by now that I'm talking about a man named Jesus. (Full story in John 8:1-11). He was brutally murdered by being nailed to a cross (a common punishment at the time, which makes me glad I didn't live back then). The thing is, he was innocent. He had done nothing wrong. He was murdered, essentially, because he made the other leaders uncomfortable (and because he had to, but maybe we'll discuss that later).

Are you getting this? An innocent man, who knew that he'd be killed without cause, chose to let guilty people, like the woman who'd been sleeping around, go free, unpunished, for a second chance. He took their punishment, and then some. Why? Because he was, is, the Son of God, and he wants us to be reunited in Heaven. All you have to do is believe that he came to earth, lived a perfect life, died on the cross, and rose again - all to save you and me from our wrongs, our sins. (See Acts 16:30-31)

His scars define us, not our own. How blood, his scars more than cover mine as well as yours, if you'll let him. Click here to email me if you have questions about this. I don't know much, but I'm willing to talk and to refer you to someone who can answer your questions if I can't. Happy Easter, all!

Hope

First of all, thank you to those of you who have contacted me with concern and words of encouragement. Let me assure that I am no longer suicidal and I am seeking the help that I need.

Now, I'm keeping this post short because, frankly, I need a mental break tonight. I just want to post a scripture that I stumbled upon in my reading last night. I hope it is as helpful to you as it has been to me this week.

"I remain confident of this:

I will see the goodness of the Lord

in the land of the living.

Wait for the Lord;

be strong and take heart

and wait for the Lord."

Psalm 27:13-14 (the emphasis is mine)

As always, leave me a message or click to email me.

Love y'all!