Sorry I've been less consistent in posting here. While I love you all and enjoy writing to you, I've also made some time for me to spend time with my non-digital friends lately. I encourage you to do the same. I'm not sure there's anything better for my depression than spending time with people I genuinely love.
Today was therapy day (still working on saying that without being embarrassed - and there's no need to be - therapy is helpful sometimes!). Last week, my therapist and I embarked on a journey towards learning to love myself, but biblically, not in the way our self-obsessed society encourages you to love yourself.
This week, we addressed tough decisions. We've all made them (or avoided them): what major to choose, which college to attend, which job to take, how much to spend on an apartment, whether or not to remove yourself from someone's life, etc. What tough decisions do you face right now?
I'd like to encourage you to consider what your hardest decisions really are, though. I've spent the last year believing that the hardest decision I was facing was what to do about my marriage. However, my therapist has aided me in discovering that the real hard decision I currently face is deciding to care for myself and figuring out how to do so. I suspect that many of you face that same tough decision. So, how do you care for yourself while still keeping the biblical principle of loving your neighbors as yourself? I certainly don't have the definitive answers, but here are some ideas that I hope will help you:
- "Take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ" (2 Corinthians 10:5) - I'm starting this process by writing down my thoughts periodically so that I can objectively examine them as data later. The reasoning behind this activity is that my thoughts of self-harm are most likely triggered by other thoughts. If I can identify those thoughts, perhaps I can get ahead of them and keep myself safe.
- Make time for your safe social network. In other words, those friends you would trust with your life, who you know are not going to cross any lines, those are the people you need to make time for. Go have fun. Spend some time away from the physical manifestations of your problems, whatever they may be.
- Objectively evaluate what the people in your life who are not meeting your needs or expectations can do about that. There will be some things they simply can't give to you. Figure out how you can fill in those gaps yourself or find someone in your safe social network who can fill those gaps. It does you no good to continue to expect someone to do things they are simply incapable of doing.
- Be honest about what you need, as well as what you can provide in your relationships. If you can have realistic expectations from the start, many relationship issues can be avoided.
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