The Simple Things

I've had a rough couple of days. I almost didn't write about them, but I promised you a hopeful recovery blog, not one without any struggles. Plus, if I (or any of you out there trying to recover) pretend things are always okay, the odds that I get overwhelmed and relapse again increase. Isn't it fascinating how the simplest things become triggers? As one of my dear tumblr friends said, self-injury is such a funny, ambiguous thing. So, here are the simple things that have triggered me the last couple of days. Can you relate?

Yesterday, I helped throw a baby shower for one of my dear friends. I am aware that, due to my medical inability to have children, all things baby are triggering. However, I had prepared myself and was genuinely having a good time. Until my friend mentioned that she couldn't wait to throw showers for some of us, and told me that she thought an adoption shower would be fun. For several reasons, this is not an option at the moment, and it was physically painful to have the option brought up. Definitely triggered. It wasn't my friend's fault. In fact, those offhand triggering comments from people are rarely, if ever, intentional. I think that's what makes them so hard to deal with, because I can't prepare myself for them, and I can't relieve the trigger by being angry at them. But still, I would rather think carefully about the situation and realize that my friends are not intentionally hurting me than to assume that they are. Are there any friends or situations that you need to give the benefit of the doubt?

Today, I got up and started my day as normal. Mondays usually involve little human interaction (which is good for everyone, because I am not a Monday person!). However, I remembered that I was supposed to have lunch with a friend today. A friend who does not know about the SI. I went back into the bedroom to change, since I would need long sleeves because I am not yet comfortable enough with this friend to share my story. (I know, I see the irony - I'm perfectly willing to share with all of you, most of whom I have never met, but I'm afraid to tell a newish friend.) Suddenly, my day was centering around my SI again, which is never a good feeling. What causes your day to suddenly center around your SI?

Although the last two days have been difficult, I've survived them without resorting to self-harm. I've even taken time out to intentionally find the good in things. For example, work is going extremely well - my bosses appreciate my work and regularly tell me so. I also have a fantastic group of friends; so fantastic that I truly believe that those who don't yet know about the SI would be supportive if they did. And today, I realized I'd finally regained my faith when I encouraged a friend in his.  I won't tell you my life is perfect. The above post proves that. But my life is certainly still worth living. What makes your life worth living? (I'd love to make a future post of all the positive things y'all see in your lives! Leave me enough answers to do so!)

Leave me some comments! Answer the questions above, ask some of your own, share your story, whatever you like. I'll read every comment and post them if appropriate or, if private and you give me a way to contact you, I'll respond.

Love you all!