I Need an Instruction Booklet

In talking with a dear friend about some of our similar experiences, she exclaimed that it sure would be nice if life had an instruction booklet! I wholeheartedly agreed, and then it occurred to me...we do have instruction booklets. Wait, hear me out.

Yes, of course we have the Bible, but let's be honest, it doesn't exactly offer clean-cut instructions for all situations. In fact, it doesn't even address many of our situations. However, if we're willing to open up and share our stories, we'll find that the people around us often have words of wisdom and experience that would be helpful.

Let's be clear - we can help, we can share our experiences, but what worked for us won't necessarily work for others. The only way to find an answer for yourself is to pray through it. But the experiences of others can be helpful. For instance, I can't tell you what will finally make you stop cutting, but I can share with you all the things I've ever tried to ease the urges. Maybe, in that list, you'll find something helpful.

Now, for a wonderful example, check out this site, featuring the story of my dear friend, Lika. There is so much here for you to draw inspiration from - changing faiths, family opposition, identity crises, etc. Although his story is a difficult one for him to share, since he still lacks familial support, he knows that his story is one that God is calling him to tell, because others can benefit from it, even if it's just because they'll know they're not alone.

Go leave Lika some comments, leave me some comments, and/or click here to email me a hopeforsi@hotmail.com. We'd both love to hear from you!

"People will never satisfy your deepest longings."

Most of us would instinctively agree with this statement, but only because we know we should agree with it. However, the truth of the human condition is that we tend to seek satisfaction from other human beings. As my pastor puts it, "we're like a bunch of ticks trying to feed off each other when what we actually need is a host who can meet our needs." 

There is no person, not even a group of people, who can meet your every need in this life. Neither can you meet all of your own needs. The only way I know to get my needs met is through my faith, not that I've got it down pat, either. See, in order to get your needs met, by anyone, you have to trust. It's hard enough to trust people, who you can harass and badger into compliance (although it's clearly not recommended). It's even harder to trust a God who you can't see. Still, if you can trust, even just a little, you'll find that, ultimately, your needs will be met. After all, as Jesus says in John 6:35, "'I am the bread of life. Whoever comes to me will never go hungry, and whoever believes in me will never be thirsty.'" 

How do you do that, though? 

I can only share what has worked for me. I am certainly no expert in trust, but I am working on it. Remember - faith is like fitness in that you can always get better!

Tip #1 - Learn to wait. God doesn't work on your timetable, but neither do other people, so this shouldn't be a shock. When I think I can't take it anymore, I tell myself to just make it through one more week, day, hour, minute, whatever the situation calls for. Try not to get so impatient that you begin grumbling and stop looking for the good.

Tip #2 - Learn to take action. I know, this seems like a contradiction. I've seen far too many people, myself included, who are waiting on the Lord's guidance and refuse to make any decisions in the meantime. For example, if you're waiting on guidance in a relationship, that does not mean that you shouldn't be exploring job options, ministry options, etc. In fact, sometimes guidance for situation A may come through situation B. 

Tip #3 - Stay in touch with God. So many times I've gotten frustrated with waiting for guidance and I've stopped praying or spending time in the Bible. HUGE mistake. How can you get guidance from someone you're not speaking to? So yeah, this shouldn't need to be a tip, but I'm guessing some of you do stupid things like this sometimes, too.

Tip #4 - Consult trusted, faithful people. God can and does speak through Godly people. This is not to say that you should do everything the people you trust tell you to do. Always test their advice against scripture and your own conversations with God. But also don't overlook those people as mouthpieces of God's wisdom.

Hope this is helpful. Leave me some feedback or questions in the comments or click here to email me a hopeforsi@hotmail.com. Love y'all!

Strength Training

I realized something during my Bible time today: I haven't had the urge to self-injure or commit suicide for a while now. (Brief pause for a pat on the back.) However, I also know that now is the time to strengthen myself, because those temptations will likely return. Primarily, I've been digging into my faith, but also spending time with my friends and their babies and crafting.

So, whether you're experiencing a period of relief from temptation, as I am, or you're struggling with an eating disorder, self-injury, suicide, anxiety, you name it, try these ideas to strengthen yourself against those thoughts in the future. (Family and friends, these tips could be useful for you, too, as you try to help your loved one.)

1. Dig into your faith. This means finding community with others who share your beliefs, reading the scriptures, praying, etc. You'll find that most faiths have something to offer for your struggle, but, frankly, I find my Christian faith the most helpful (and I explored quite a lot). Let me know if you have questions about that - I'm happy to chat with you!
   
2. Share your triggers (anything that makes your struggle more difficult) with a few close friends who can help you avoid those triggers and deal with them when they happen.
   
3. Make a plan for dealing with tough situations. This means making a list of people and organizations you can contact if you're feeling tempted to do something you know you shouldn't. It also means making and constantly updating a list of activities that are helpful for you when you're tempted. For me, that list includes running, painting, cleaning, writing, and simply changing locations.
   
4. Make a playlist of music that makes you happy and/or reminds you of the good things in life. That way, you at least have a chance to easily play music that won't make things worse.
   
5. Use the times when you are strong to evaluate your life for things that make your struggles unnecessarily harder. Now, be careful with this. I am not telling you to quit school because it stresses you out. I am, however, telling you to stop doing all of your homework on one day a week. I am also not telling you to cut out everyone who makes you mad. I am, however, telling you to draw firm boundaries for those people who frequently add drama or stress to your life. Drawing boundaries is hard, and should never be done when you're emotional (that only leads to drawing boundaries you later regret).
   
6. Most of all, use the good times to hang out with friends. I know full well that, when you're depressed, anxious, or trying to starve yourself, you tend to isolate yourself as well. So spend time with friends. Make sure they understand that you do care for them, and let them know what issues you're dealing with so that they can help you, or at least understand why you might not always come around.

Got any tips to share? Leave them in the comments or click here to shoot me an email at hopeforsi@hotmail.com

We Have this Hope

Yesterday, I decided to read in the book of Matthew, for a change of pace. Remember that hope I said I was looking for? I found it!

I read chapter one, which, honestly, I have often skipped in the past because it's the genealogy of Jesus and, well, if you know your Bible you know how Jesus came to be. Or do you? See, I had decided to study the scripture, to really dig in and ask questions, like I would of any other piece of literature. (Of course, the Bible is much more than a piece of literature, this is just a study technique.) It occurred to me that, while the people of the time would have been accustomed to hearing the men's names in the genealogy, and probably didn't even give a second thought to who they were beyond identifying where their own lineage factored in, the mention of five women would have been highly unusual. The people would have paused there to remember the story of that woman's life. Let's take a quick look at these women:

Tamar - pretended to be a prostitute so that her father-in-law would get her pregnant, since her husband was dead and her father-in-law refused to marry her to his next son, as was the custom.
Rahab - prostitute who helped Joshua defeat Jericho by sheltering his men during their recon mission.
Ruth - entered the threshing floor (scandalous at the time!) to seek marriage to Boaz
Wife of Uriah (Bathsheba) - King David committed adultery with her and subsequently had her husband killed. In my opinion, she is referred to by her husband's name because her presence in the genealogy is more to point out David's transgression than to shine a light on her.
Mary - found to be pregnant before marriage, thus bringing shame on herself, her family, and her betrothed (Joseph).

I found that I had an inordinate amount of hope after reading and researching this genealogy. You see, none of these women (or the men, for that matter) were perfect. Many of them had HUGE character flaws, enormous sin issues, and enough personal problems to last a lifetime. Yet God used them to bring about his plan. God blessed them. In many cases, God used their weaknesses, their flaws, their sins, for good. Their weaknesses became the reason they were able to be included in the genealogy of Jesus and, for some, the reason they were able to minister.

Now, I have this hope (well, I've had it for awhile, but now it's stronger) that God will use me out of all of this mess that is my life. It's a vague hope, in that I'm not 100% certain how he will use me yet, but, as my therapist says, "Vague hope is better than clear guilt." Amen!