Take a Moment

This morning, I was getting a bit stressed out because I realized that I had not been posting as much as I liked, my research project isn't moving as quickly as I would like, and my future is uncertain. Today, which is typically my day off, was spent doing research, substitute teaching, and attending meetings. I was feeling overwhelmed, anxious, and triggered  beyond belief. I briefly visited with one of my biggest supporters, but it just wasn't enough. So, I decided to do something that is, for me, pretty radical. I took a moment for myself.

For me, taking a moment has to be complete separation from work. If I'm trying to just relax and watch a movie, I most often find myself working while watching. Same goes for trying to take a bubble bath, read, or even nap. Obviously, finding a way to truly take a moment for myself is difficult. However, I have found that tanning works for me. Yes, I'm fully aware of the health risks. It's worth it to me because it calms down. It's worth it because, after tanning, I was calm for several hours. Lately, that's a major feat. A few hours of calm is totally worth taking fifteen minutes for me.

How do you calm down or take a moment for yourself? Leave it in the comments or shoot me an email!

The Hard Truths

Have you ever been talking to someone and they give you a piece of advice that stings? A piece of advice you'd rather just ignore, but it nags at you because, deep down, you know it's true?

This happened to me a few days ago, when a friend told me "You're putting too much stock in human relationships. You need to focus on you and God." At first, I dismissed it. After all, I know who defines me, but I also love people. Nothing wrong with that, right? But it kept eating at me. I couldn't get the comment out of my mind, so, finally, I prayed about it. And the answers was crystal clear: I need to eliminate my reliance on people and myself and rely solely on God.

This is not an easy thing to do. But, then, very few things I've done in my life have been easy. Even the stupid choices have been difficult. However, a friend reminded me this morning of Matthew 17:20 "'For truly, I say to you, if you have faith like a grain of mustard seed, you will say to this mountain, 'Move from here to there,' and it will move, and nothing will be impossible for you.'" Now, I don't think Jesus actually meant for us to move mountains for the fun of it (although how cool would that be!), just that a little faith goes a long way. 

Already, I feel different, better, somehow. While I think about self-injuring and suicide on a regular basis, they are no longer serious options very often. While I think about the people I love quite often, and even people I love less than I should, their actions, feelings, thoughts, etc., are already having less impact on me. It's slow going, and I know there will be setbacks, but I feel well on my way to being a new person. All because a friend was brave enough to tell me the hard truth.

Need to chat about some hard truths in your life? Click to send me an email!

Learning to Listen

How many times do you have to hear the same advice before you decide that it's actually God speaking to you? Or that it's wise advice? Or that it's what you need to do?

Sometimes, the hardest thing for those of us who are struggling with depression and the myriad of related issues (self injury, suicide, eating disorders, etc.) is listening to advice. We're so down that we struggle to take advice or to discern the difference between good advice and bad. Sometimes, though, you hear the same advice so many times that you could recite it in your sleep. Maybe you even consider doing it. But then, someone you never expected gives you the same advice. And suddenly, you sit up and listen. Suddenly, you realize that you need to take this advice. Suddenly, you understand that this is not just people talking to you, it's God.

That's what has happened to me, culminating in a friend at the yard sale hearing my story and giving me the same advice I've heard a million times. This time, I really heard it. This time, I'm really trying to work through that advice and its practical implications.

What advice have you been hearing that you need to listen to more closely?

As always, click to email me if you like!

Sale Time

Today, my friends and I held a yard sale. I grew up being somewhat attached to stuff, probably due to growing up below the poverty line. But today, I realized that it felt good to get rid of stuff. (The extra cash didn't hurt, either.) It got me thinking, though. What about the other stuff in our lives we need to get rid of, even if it isn't easy.

What are you holding onto that you need to let go? A relationship? An addiction? A bad habit? Physical belongings? Jealousy? Anger? What would you be healthier without?

Just Do It

Sometimes, the smallest gesture can change someone's day and, thereby, someone's life. Like my friend Nick choosing to respond to my suicidal messages. Like a former colleague sending me a video of my favorite actor singing a beautiful song. Like a random gift, call, text, or visit.

These small things don't just make a difference to the person receiving them. They can make an enormous difference to the person giving as well. When I'm having a rough day (or week, month, year, life...) I try to do something for someone else. Especially if I haven't gotten one of those small gestures in awhile. It makes me feel like my life matters, in some small way.

Give it a try. Do something kind, something small, for someone else. You never know whose life you'll save.

Humor

My apologies for not posting yesterday. I've gotten a bit busy with school lately. It's that time of year!

So, I'm also copping out for today and posting a fun story for you. (Although, seriously, laughter is awesome medicine.) I asked my friend, Rich, for a fun bedtime story to distract me from my cutting/suicidal urges. No man I have asked has ever been able to respond with a story, so I expected the standard “I don’t know one” or “I don’t do well when I’m on the spot” or, at best, a rehashed classic. Instead, I got this original masterpiece:

Once upon a time there were two squirrels.

One was named Bob and one was named James.

They were the best of friends.

They knew that spring was coming to their neck of the woods, and they were excited.

Bob was excited to not have to eat nuts from the beginning of the winter. He was really jazzed about the prospect of fresh nuts.

James was excited about stealing food from the bird feeders.

He couldn’t understand why people were so dumb that they put bird feeders out where squirrels (like himself) could get to them.

Well, finally spring did come and James and Bob enjoyed their individual favorite things.

Unfortunately for both of the squirrels, there were negative effects of both the things they were doing.

Bob got so fat on fresh nuts that he couldn’t move and had to be rolled everywhere he went.

He eventually went to the Big Oak Tree in the sky because not only could he not walk… but he could not feed himself.

James found a bird feeder that had all of the choicest bird foods in it and he ate there whenever he could.

Unfortunately for him, the humans that own that particular feeder have a vendetta against squirrels, and one day they poisoned the food.

Needless to say, James went to see his best buddy Bob and all of the humans on earth lived happily ever after without all of the the dumb squirrels running around.

The End

Blog Update

Hi all! So I've added a "help" page to my blog with links and hotline numbers for the US and various other countries. Please feel free to comment or send me an email if you'd like to see any other resources or countries added to the list!