5 Keys to Healing: Two Years Later

It's hard to believe that it's been two years since I chose life. (Click here if you want to read the story of that day.) Over the past two years, I've learned, grown, hurt, been to therapy, gotten a divorce, taken a new job, made new friends....long story short, it's been a busy two years. I've made many mistakes, but that's how people learn. Now, in the hopes of helping you to skip at least some of the painful learning, here are the most important things I've learned over two year journey to health and happiness.

1. You need to be a little selfish. I'm not advocating self-centeredness as a lifestyle, but you need to carve out time for yourself. That could mean making time to work out, or paint, or write, or whatever hobby you're into. You might also need to let yourself make that education- or work-related decision that's best for you, no matter what others might think. You have to be selfish sometimes to maintain your mental, physical, and spiritual health.

2. Decide for yourself what the little things are and then refuse to allow them to stress you out. As someone with anxiety, this was the most difficult task and took me the longest. I had to decide that what people thought of me, how my hair looked, and whether or not I was in a relationship just didn't matter. I was enough as I was, on my own.

3. Get moving! Although I was reluctant to admit it, my physical health directly impacted my mental and spiritual health. I am much healthier in all aspects when I am running regularly. Not only is my body functioning better, which improves mental health, but I have that alone time to think, work through things, pray, etc. 

4. Make a list (but don't overwhelm yourself). I find that listing everything I need to do is helpful in keeping me functioning, even on my most depressed days. However, if something doesn't need to be done immediately, I either put it way far down on the list or leave it off for the moment. This way, I can easily see what needs done and keep moving. This also allows me to easily switch tasks when I get bored or just need a shift. Bonus tip: If you're unmotivated and can't get moving, pick something that you think you can do in one minute or less and do it. After all, an object in motion stays in motion!

5. Be honest. Clearly, this is a good rule regardless, but specifically, be honest with a few key people who are around you every day about what you are going through. This will allow them to step in when someone else says or does something that could be triggering or just plain unhelpful. For instance, I work with middle school and high school students. The boys, especially, like to sneak up behind you and scare you. For various reasons, this can (and often does) send me into a panic attack. By telling a few key people about my healing process, I ensure that someone can take over and reassure the students if I do have a panic attack due to a (typically) harmless prank. 

Learning to Listen

How many times do you have to hear the same advice before you decide that it's actually God speaking to you? Or that it's wise advice? Or that it's what you need to do?

Sometimes, the hardest thing for those of us who are struggling with depression and the myriad of related issues (self injury, suicide, eating disorders, etc.) is listening to advice. We're so down that we struggle to take advice or to discern the difference between good advice and bad. Sometimes, though, you hear the same advice so many times that you could recite it in your sleep. Maybe you even consider doing it. But then, someone you never expected gives you the same advice. And suddenly, you sit up and listen. Suddenly, you realize that you need to take this advice. Suddenly, you understand that this is not just people talking to you, it's God.

That's what has happened to me, culminating in a friend at the yard sale hearing my story and giving me the same advice I've heard a million times. This time, I really heard it. This time, I'm really trying to work through that advice and its practical implications.

What advice have you been hearing that you need to listen to more closely?

As always, click to email me if you like!

Identity

When I started this blog, I never dreamed of the ways in which it would be used. I never dreamed I'd have an international audience, including viewers from the United States, Germany, the UK, Canada, the Philippines, Australia, Finland, France, Indonesia, Mexico, and Sweden.

While I'm truly humbled by the number of page views and my international audience, I am most humbled by the way God is using this blog in my own life. See, when I'm having rough days, I still hold myself accountable to write here. And on those days, God seems to use my own blog to speak to me. Today, I was  struggling with self worth due to my past mistakes as well as to listening to what others think of me. Then, an amazing song came on the radio, and I suddenly knew both how I would be getting through the day and what I would be writing for you. So, without further ado:

In a world that loves to use labels and identify people by superficial characteristics, it's easy to lose track of who we are and what really matters. We also live in a world that keeps track of our wrongs, and often remembers them longer than our successes. I don't know about you, but I get bogged down in that and I forget that I am more than my mistakes, more than my weight, more than my scars.

Let me remind you who you really are (I need the reminder, too) through a song by Jason Gray called "I Am New." You are, we are, "forgiven, beloved, hidden in Christ, made in the image of the Giver of Life, righteous, and holy, reborn, and remade, accepted, and worthy, this is our new name."

(Find the full song here, along with an incredible music video.) OR watch below!

You're Not Alone

I can't lie to you all. Today has been an extremely tough day. One of those "feeling extremely triggered for no particular reason" kind of days. What got me through was remembering that I'm not alone.

In the very brief time that I've been sharing my story with others, I've discovered that two friends also struggle/have struggled with self injury and one other friend has attempted suicide. Not to mention all of the tumblr followers I've gained who struggle with the same things.

When I'm feeling triggered, I feel even more different from my "normal" friends than usual, so it's useful to remember that there are people who do understand what I'm feeling. These are people who I can go to when I'm struggling, because they understand what I need. However, I do think we, as a mental health community, need to work to better educate the neurotypicals (those who do not suffer these issues) so that they are better able to help us when we struggle.

What would you tell the "normal" or "neurotypical" people in your life if you had the chance?

Lessons Learned

How many of you who struggle with self-injury (including eating disorders) have been told that you're just "attention seeking?" That you're not really "sick," you're just lonely, or something like that?

I'm sure most, if not all, of us have heard that at one point or another. And sometimes it is a cry for someone to notice. But many, perhaps most, of us hide our self-injury quite carefully from those we know. We actively avoid attention based on our self-harm, and only participate in self-injury because it eases emotional pain in some form or another. We are not "attention seekers," we are hurting people dealing with the pain in the only way we know how.

Telling people about my struggle with self-injury has been the hardest thing I've ever done. Telling strangers is one thing, but telling people who I know and love, people whose opinion of me matters, is difficult. The first person I ever told, who we'll call Sam, was extremely hurt by my actions. He told me that it hurt to see someone he cared about so down that she would resort to harming herself. He suggested a tattoo on the place where I typically cut to remind me that hurting myself hurt him, and he made me a bracelet for my other arm for the same reason. Sam's reaction was helpful, and was the first push onto the road to recovery for me. But not everyone has reacted that way. Some have only said they would pray for me (which isn't all bad, mind you, but not immediately and practically helpful at first). Some have flat out refused to help and even criticized me for seeking help in the form of medication and counseling.

It's been a struggle, to say the least, but I've discovered a few things by telling other people about my self-injury.

1. Telling the right person/people can result in real help.
2. Some people don't know how to react, but it doesn't mean they don't care.
3. For the sake of my mental health, I have to focus on those who do want to help, not on those who have walked away.
4. I am responsible for being honest about my struggle when necessary, but I am not responsible for how that makes others feel, think, speak, or react.
5. There is no one I can't live without, no matter how much their reactions or rejections may hurt.
6. People are, in general, more understanding than we give them credit for.
7. I know more people who do struggle or have struggled with self-injury than I ever would have guessed.