Lessons Learned

How many of you who struggle with self-injury (including eating disorders) have been told that you're just "attention seeking?" That you're not really "sick," you're just lonely, or something like that?

I'm sure most, if not all, of us have heard that at one point or another. And sometimes it is a cry for someone to notice. But many, perhaps most, of us hide our self-injury quite carefully from those we know. We actively avoid attention based on our self-harm, and only participate in self-injury because it eases emotional pain in some form or another. We are not "attention seekers," we are hurting people dealing with the pain in the only way we know how.

Telling people about my struggle with self-injury has been the hardest thing I've ever done. Telling strangers is one thing, but telling people who I know and love, people whose opinion of me matters, is difficult. The first person I ever told, who we'll call Sam, was extremely hurt by my actions. He told me that it hurt to see someone he cared about so down that she would resort to harming herself. He suggested a tattoo on the place where I typically cut to remind me that hurting myself hurt him, and he made me a bracelet for my other arm for the same reason. Sam's reaction was helpful, and was the first push onto the road to recovery for me. But not everyone has reacted that way. Some have only said they would pray for me (which isn't all bad, mind you, but not immediately and practically helpful at first). Some have flat out refused to help and even criticized me for seeking help in the form of medication and counseling.

It's been a struggle, to say the least, but I've discovered a few things by telling other people about my self-injury.

1. Telling the right person/people can result in real help.
2. Some people don't know how to react, but it doesn't mean they don't care.
3. For the sake of my mental health, I have to focus on those who do want to help, not on those who have walked away.
4. I am responsible for being honest about my struggle when necessary, but I am not responsible for how that makes others feel, think, speak, or react.
5. There is no one I can't live without, no matter how much their reactions or rejections may hurt.
6. People are, in general, more understanding than we give them credit for.
7. I know more people who do struggle or have struggled with self-injury than I ever would have guessed.